I greet you from the other side of sorrow and despair with a love so vast and shattered it will reach you everywhere.
As artists, we are taught to channel our feelings onto the canvas. If you want to sell your paintings, it’s safer to not talk about your politics. Hide them in your paintings, and hide them well. I paint what’s in my heart with color, texture, and words—hopefully, then, the feelings will transfer from my heart to the canvas. But I have tried this, and I am still bubbling up inside.
I was going to write about painting today. Instead I am writing about emotions.
After last week’s murders at the Tree of Life synagogue, friends reached out to me offering condolences and prayers. I didn’t react like my other Jewish friends. Their offers of prayers and thoughts added flames to my anger. They should feel the same pain I feel. We are all people. Our society, our community, is seriously dangerously messed up. We are living in a broken world. Don’t pray for me. Pray for all of us. And do more than pray, dammit. Speak up. Speak out. Be angry. Be informed. Vote.
I wonder where my anger comes from. I will continue to reflect on that. In the meantime, my heart hurts. It hurts for all of us. I feel rage for all of us. And I feel immense compassion for the families and community that have lost love ones to gun violence, racism, anti-Semitism, and fear of “the other.”
I am working on turning my anger, fear, sorrow and despair back into love. “Be gentle with yourself. Be gentle with others.” That’s what I’ve told myself in quiet moments this week.
I feel vulnerable even saying I got angry. I don’t want to offend anyone. Instead I want to just put it in my art. I will write my emotions into my paintings and then add the appropriate colors: black, white, grey and perhaps a little blue.
But will that help the world?
With gentle love to all,
This time of year is always a time of reflection for me. Rosh Hashana to Yom Kippur. The Days of Awe. I find myself asking: Where is my heart? How is my heart? What have I learned over the past year? What are my intentions?
As I sat in the synagogue wrapped in the beautiful sounds of the holidays I felt wrapped in warmth. My heart was being held gently. As I mused about the coming year, the word that came to me was kindness.
May the world be more kind.
May I always be kind.
May those I know and love be kind.
I have recently been yelled at twice by strangers. On a quiet Sunday morning on campus I was running in the bike lane. A middle aged man riding the opposite direction chose to tell me loudly and clearly that the lane was not for runners. He was right. His way of telling me was not.
While driving a couple days later another middle aged man yelled out his open window quite vehemently at me. My driving was not dangerous. Perhaps I disturbed him by intently reading his license plate (Juggler) - perhaps a little bit too closely. But my mind starts doing somersaults with creativity when I see words that intrigue me.
I interpret both of these experiences as symptoms of something very odd going on. We are living in times when it is OK to not be kind. I will not accept it. I do believe it is hard to be human. I don't believe it is hard to be kind.
So where is my heart as I go into this new year? What are my intentions?
AND always keep my running shoes laced tightly. That's so I keep standing and moving forward.
May your new year be filled with kindness, joy, and love.
“You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star.”
– Friedrich Nietzsche
To me, art feels magical. I love when layers build up on a canvas or a page, and patterns and colors and images appear that I didn't plan on. I love going with the flow. I love letting my imagination and creativity accept the unplanned and then figuring it out. I love continually relearning to accept the chaos in order to give birth to something new and learning about myself in the process. Art journaling truly provides a place to embrace chaos to see what bubbles up.
I hunger to use bits and pieces of my life within my art journal. I knew that about myself when I met Julie Fei-Fan Balzer. Julie and I were in an art workshop together and Julie was quietly using all of her extra paint in her art journal underneath the table. I was enthralled. She makes her own art journals, carries them with her everywhere, and then paints in them. She puts bits and pieces of her life in it all the time and creates new pages. She's wonderful and I was hooked.
Using Julie as my inspiration, my art journaling evolved. I suddenly figured out what to do with all of those discarded paintings - cut them up. And what to do with all of those scrap pieces of old cards and calendars and paper that a mixed media artist hoards away. Cut them all up. And put them together in funky ways with needle and thread and glue and tape to create your own art journal. And then paint inside. Create your own chaos. And then give birth to a dancing star. Let the magic happen.
I broke my foot at the beginning of the summer. There has been a lot more sitting time in my life and more time to share my new found love of physically making art journals with others (my daughter, my friends, my niece, my brother-in-law). What better gift is there than a day of art creating with people you love? And each person walked away with their own personal art journal to paint in, save quotes in, glue wine bottle labels in, or just stare at. Perfect.
Am I the only one truly enthusiastic about eluding the blank page? I don't think so.
Julie Cameron writes: “Creativity is always a leap of faith. You’re faced with a blank page, blank easel, or an empty stage.”
Actress Octavia Spencer notes, “The hardest thing about writing, for me, is facing the blank page.”
I've done away with the blank page. Now my leap of faith occurs when I open my art journal, meet myself there, place the paint down, and trust the process.
Want to make your own art journal? You can join me next week in East Lansing at Grove Gallery (August 26, 9-4) or elsewhere this fall. To find out more, check out my upcoming classes and workshops!
“If creativity is a habit, then the best creativity is the result of good work habits.
They are the nuts and bolts of dreaming.”
— Twyla Tharp, The Creative Habit
I’ve jumped into the 100 Day Project on Instagram. 100 days of creativity. 100 days of a daily practice. You choose your daily practice of creativity, announce it to the world, and post it daily on Instagram.
The 100 Day Project began in 2008 and continues to evolve. The 2017 project involves sharing your daily project on Instagram with two hashtags: #100dayproject and your own special hashtag. This year's project began April 4th.
“Practice takes time. Practice takes commitment. Practice is a radical act in this speeded up world. Through practice, we develop a creative habit. Through habit, we reconnect with and know ourselves again as a creative being.”
PRACTICE IS A RADICAL ACT IN THIS SPEEDED UP WORLD.
For the 100 day project, you declare what your project will be. Mine will be art journaling. But I have created rules for myself. I was first a daily pages journaler (just writing, no art). I have been journaling/writing every morning for almost 20 years. I come from the world of academia where you write in long sentences. As an art journaler. I want to get better at collapsing my sentences into thought bites – something you can chew on.
If a sound bite is a short extract from an interview, chosen for its pungency or appropriateness, then a thought bite (my wording) is a short extract from my head.
So my 100 Day Project is to art journal with thought bites. My personal hashtag is #100daysofthoughtbites.
I hope this is a good idea. Ask me after 100 days. I am so curious to see how it evolves.
Want to join me? Want to jump in? If you do it, let me know! We can follow each other.
“In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present.” ~ Frances Bacon
With markers in hand, I took my painting “Herr Drumpf” to an election party Tuesday night. I invited people of all ages to express their feelings about the election directly onto the painting. I considered it a way to heal from the past year of ugliness. As the evening took an unexpected turn, a different form of therapeutic art took place. “Herr Drumpf” became loaded with a weight I didn’t expect. As emotions became so tangled that evening, so did the graffiti.
Watching young and old alike graffiti over my painting soothed me. It provided a sense of comfort and community. It gave birth to colorful, grieving, angry, and sometimes hopeful messages. Providing one small avenue for people to express their emotions soothed my artist's soul.
I see the world through an artist lens. I believe
art has the power to help reconnect and heal.
Color alone can help me connect - the green
of a forest or the reds of an early morning
sunrise provide instant solace. Yet, this fall I
created a fully monochromatic painting
completely devoid of color. The color had
been drained out of me. Through the painting,
I tried to communicate that light shines through
I now need to find a way to bring the color back.
We all need to find a way to bring the color back. To bring back hope and healing. My head hurts. My heart hurts. My heart hurts for my kids, for all kids, for all minority groups, for myself. For our nation.
But I do have hope. I am already watching my own kids turn their frustration, their deep disappointment in our nation, into a commitment to do more. I believe they are representative of a new activism which will emerge - an activism based in the love of our nation. An activism based in a new understanding of identity politics. Their generation voted overwhelmingly against hatred and bigotry. I have hope that we will follow and learn from their activism.
Art is a natural way to express feelings and ideas. There are artists throughout the nation instantly taking action. Subway art in New York City. Chalk art at Webster University. Writers. Dancers. Visual artists. When I see this, I feel hope. When I watch my kids speak up, take action, I feel hope. When my students show me their paintings and their journal pages, I feel hope. There are so many ways we can all speak up, be proactive, begin. We can't be silent. We are all in this together. We must find hope in the aftermath.
“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” ~ Mary Oliver
The 10 days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur is a time period for deep soul searching and re-grounding, a time to regain balance, and a time to ask questions. Am I the person I want to be in this world? What am I doing to help make the world a better place? How am I helping to “repair the world”?
“Repairing the world” or Tikkun Olam is an inherent part of being Jewish. Hence, I ask myself: What acts of kindness am I, as an artist, performing to perfect or help repair the world?
When I am alone painting in my studio, choosing to be an artist feels selfish. Yet art is my solace. It helps me make sense of the world, whether through writing, painting, music, reading, or theater. Through art, I wrestle with my emotions, my circumstances, my dreams, my joys, my aches, and often, my pain. The drive to create, to express myself visually, is deep. It helps give voice to feelings that are difficult to express verbally. In the most difficult of times, my yearning for self-expression is palpable.
What is my role as an artist and tikkun olam? I often donate to worthy causes. I’m currently preparing to teach a four-week art class for victims of sexual abuse at the Women’s Center of Lansing. Over the past year I have painted a door to be auctioned off for Habitat for Humanity, sculpted an art bra for the Women’s Center, created masks for the Firecracker Foundation (a local organization that aids children of sexual trauma), donated a painting for Art for Charlie (an organization supporting pediatric hospice and parental bereavement), and was a guest artist at Reach Art Studio, a neighborhood art studio.
Yet, I’ve tried to create a life that includes tikkun olam at all levels, not just my volunteer work or “extra time.” When I think about “giving back” as an artist, it’s undoubtedly woven into the fabric of my being. I find myself drawn to organizations and events with a common thread: They believe art, in all its forms, can be a vehicle for awareness, hope, and healing.
Art reminds us of beauty and of pain, of hope and of healing. As much as I am happy to support local causes, helping others be creative and learn about themselves through the process is the most gratifying form of tikkun olam I know. When leading on-line art journaling classes or teaching mixed-media workshops, I work to help students understand themselves better and express it through their art. It is a form of self-expression that can be both disorienting and healing. This has always proven true for me and I find it true for others as well.
I know my Judaism has shaped the way I approach my art, both professionally and personally. I have been taught to reflect, trust my intuition, strive for perfection, and give back. In learning about myself through art, and then helping others create their own systems for healing and growth, I hope to help repair the world, one person at a time, one step at a time, one paintbrush at a time. In that vein, I annually reflect on Mary Oliver’s question in the back of our prayer book: “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
I just came back from 8 days in the Boundary Waters Wilderness Area in northern Minnesota. It is hard to describe the stillness it created in me. Canoeing and backpacking in the Boundary Waters has been on my bucket list for a very long time. My daughter, Sarah, joined me. It was quiet and peaceful, unconnected to the material world, yet so connected to the natural world. It was just what I needed. When I close my eyes now I imagine the early morning fog and the call of the loons. And my coffee and morning journaling. Bliss.
I came home to September. Fall, to me, is about being deeply reflective. It is the start of the new year and perfectly timed with the next round of new classes to be taught and the deep goal setting questions I ask myself. My bulletin board states “Are you reaching your full potential?” and reminds me to “Be Deliberate. With Purpose.” Yet at the same time I have posted messages to myself that remind me to Slow Down, Be Still, Listen. The conflicting messages of life.
I am getting ready to start teaching the next round of my on-line art journaling class. It is one of my favorite classes to teach. It is fun to plan out, fun to watch the growth that happens, fun to help create a community of artists, fun to be part of for myself. And perhaps most importantly, teaching the class forces me to create daily. I am both a student and a teacher.
As much as I needed the Boundary Waters, I also need art. I love how art helps the soul. I love how art journaling is accessible to anyone, no matter your comfort with a paintbrush or pen. It reminds me of Kurt Vonnegut’s quote: “The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow.”
Interested in my on-line art journaling class: Good Morning Creativity! More info: www.jessicakovan.com/online-art-journaling.html
My “Shadow Side” show is packed up and taken down from Grove Gallery. Except one. I left “Herr Drumpf” behind.
I painted Herr Drumpf in a whirlwind. He evoked the creative process in me.
The canvas of each of my paintings in my Shadow Side series are filled with words that fit the image being depicted. Herr Drumpf is painted on top of Mr. Trump’s own words. I spent countless hours cutting out Trump’s words from newspaper and magazine articles. The more I read, and cut, and glued, the more his shadow side and image became clearer.
My goal for all of the paintings in this series is to show both the light and dark side of an object or issue being depicted – whether it is the game of soccer or the power of love. That said, I had a hard time finding a bright side to Mr. Trump. Perhaps, instead it was the amusement and satisfaction I felt in using the creative process to communicate my emotions. Other than that, the more I read, the more the shadows emerged. His words are scary.
Every artist has their own little victories when completing a painting. It might be finally figuring out how to paint a chocolate cupcake to look luscious or experimenting with how not to smear the ink from cut out magazine words. For Herr Drumpf, these victories were on a different level. They were decisions I made about the painting.
I refused to buy an expensive canvas for Herr Drumpf. He is painted on a garage sale canvas. Reused. Recycled. During my show, Herr Drumpf was placed in the corner on the ground. He was not allowed to hang on the wall with my other paintings. And then during my reception I turned my back on him.
AND now I have left him behind.
Do feel free, however, to visit him. And read his words. They are filled with hatred. They are racist, sexist, and xenophobic. They scare me. May we all turn our backs on him.
To see Herr Drumpf, visit: Grove Gallery, 325 Grove St, East Lansing, MI 48823
I'm always thinking about creating. My future starts when I wake up every morning... Every day I find something creative to do with my life.
Inhaling life one